Breast feeding is quite a hot topic at the moment and many celebrities are making it ‘trendy’, it is shocking that breastfeeding in public has only been legal in the uk for less than 20 years. With watching close friends and family breastfeeding and attending courses that boasted how natural it was together with the fact that it was free breastfeeding was definitely for me!
At 20 weeks pregnant I woke up one morning with two little wet patches on my top were my nipples had leaked. It was actually dave that amusingly noticed and I was unusually quite embarrassed. This was very early to start lactating but we took it as a sign that breastfeeding was meant to be.
Attending a number of breastfeeding workshops where we awkwardly practiced stimulating nipples with knitted boobs and breastfeeding holds with creepy dolls actually excited me as it felt so natural. We didn’t buy bottles or anything related to formula feeding as it just wasn’t a thought in our minds.
As my little bump grew so did my boobs and milk flow, I really enjoyed seeing my body doing what it was naturally supposed too, plus the purt boobs were a bonus.
Audrey was born and I breastfed her straight away. The next few days are all sadly a bit of a blur but the hospital were very supportive and helped me with positioning her and latching, they even tried to relieve the pressure by offering to give her one formula feed to allow me to rest. I was so sure breastfeeding was for us I declined this offer. I was prepared for pain from others experiences but nothing prepared me for how toe curling the pain actually would be.
During our time in hospital it was revealed that Audrey was tongue tied but I was reassured that this didn’t effect breastfeeding, until I got home and my Midwife cut it and from then latching was much quicker and the pain dramatically eased.
I’m not shy about saying I really didn’t enjoy breastfeeding, I found it uncomfortable, demanding and relentless. She was a very hungry baby I would be constantly feeding her. However she did sleep through from 4 weeks old so that gave me some relief. I do want to say that when breastfeeding in public I never felt any negativity or people looking it was always my own insecurities that made me feel uncomfortable which were a surprise even for me. At times my involuntary movements and lack of coordination would mean my boob was left out just chilling while I kept Audrey safe.
As Audrey grew bigger breastfeeding in my chair was becoming a problem, she still needed head support yet I could find a comfortable position that could satisfy both our needs.
We gave Audrey her first formula feed at 11 weeks old, I cried during the whole thing although I had a feeling of guilt and failure it was lovely to see daddy enjoining the special moment. We didn’t make a habit of the formula feeding but we knew it was available as backup. I tried expressing but it wasn’t really for me, I did a few bottles to allow grandparents to experience feeding but by the time I expressed a bottle I could have just fed her myself.
I stopped breastfeeding altogether at around 5 months, dropping a feed at a time every 2-3 days, I felt it was a very mutual decision between Audrey and myself and this I must remember.
At just over 9 months I have times when I do feel guilty for stopping breastfeeding because I liked that she needed me and I soothed her as she drifted into a peaceful sleep detaching herself when she was ready. I look at others around me and applaud their patience and commitment but I mustn’t forget I did what was right for us.
To summarise I had a very love hate relationship with breastfeeding and I couldn’t say whether I would breastfeed again. I loved the bond it gave me and Audrey but it didn’t feel a very natural process and I certainly didn’t make it look trendy.
No comments:
Post a Comment