I've proved myself to be totally rubbish at this whole blogging thing but I really want to get into it again as I found it a good sounding board and think my life is quite a read.
I guess I started the blog thinking everything would run smoothly and I would be here posting my sixth month baby bump and scan, but no, how different 2016 would be. We thought it was a good omen, the fact that we had our first scan on New Years Eve and that the year would start really positive. I did write a paper diary of my injections as I knew I would forget the emotion that I felt at the time, although it has faded it is still with me. We both found injections really difficult, my stomach for one looked like a yellow pin cushion and my hormones were everywhere. I knew Dave felt somewhat guilty that he was hurting me and we were trying to weirdly comfort each other in the most unnatural way. I found myself having meltdowns over the most stupid things, a hot-dog I ordered and I didn't like and the fact I was craving sweets and chocolate but didn't want to gain weight.
I am however pleased to say that we did get nine eggs on egg collection and four were successfully fertilised. My mum loves to be involved in everything and we had decided that IVF would be quite private and only we would attend the appointments etc. As everything had gone really well we decided to invite her to the egg transfer. The day was quite emotional and I can still recall the transfer now, everyone kept telling me it was just like a smear but for me that was so wrong. The thing that made me feel sick was actually the cotton wool they used to clean you with before the transfer, the sensation still makes me baulk now when thinking about it and I have to cross my legs.
Unfortunately the embryo didn't take but looking back the drugs did take a toll on my body and I carried on with University which left me exhausted.
2016 has been an absolute mess, not only have we lost some legendary characters, Prince, Bowie, Victoria Wood but we also lost our nephew in the most tragic unexpected way. We were also on holiday that we had booked to try and recover from the stress and upset of the IVF, we obviously flew home as soon as we could after hearing the news.
It was definitely time to move on for me especially. Everything this year and the past two years had shown me that my relationship with Dave was not only cemented but nailed, weathered, stormed and definitely not going anywhere. It was time to move back home to be near family and friends, I needed to get a bit of me back. So here I am, gone from being in the middle of nowhere surrounded by trees and fields to sitting in our ideal bungalow on a main road on the Wirral, slap bang in the middle of where it all began for me and Dave. I have to tell you I've had an absolute ball since being back two months, I don't think I have been home yet for a weekend. I've been enjoying meals with friends, walking the dogs, popping into my mums, walking to the shops and rolling in at 2 in the morning after being out with the girls. Don't get me wrong, the pain of 2016 is still there, but things for me are definitely a lot clearer since the move.
The only downside of moving is the dreaded council! I have care and have kept my two amazing PA's, we have unfortunately had a social worker that is more interested in her weight loss and prosecco than doing her job properly, but luckily I have Dave to fight for what is right and we will get the outcome we need in the end as well as probably being blacklisted from calling them. We have a meeting coming up on Thursday, which I will definitely be blogging about as this is not just a personal thing but a justice thing and we both keep in mind the little old lady that can't fight for herself.
We have continued with acupuncture but have moved to a different Doctor who seems a lot more positive and targeted, this includes massage too, which is lovely. He does always try and sell me things though and I do fall for it because I like him. I even thought he was trying to sell me a tin of paint as I thought he said the colour would make me pregnant, but it was a language miss-communication and he meant buttermilk was good for you, which was the colour of the paint. I definitely feel part of a community now and volunteering for a lovely organisation who work with autistic children and offer advice to the families to get what they deserve, which is right up my street.
Bumping into people from my past makes me feel like i am home, scarily I am also turning into my bloody mother, having little chin wags in the street haha, feel sorry for Dave really. We have lots of things planned including our friends coming over from Japan next week which I am super excited about and we have booked another cruise, just us two this time which will be lovely to spend some time together relaxing. I am definitely going to start posting more pictures so Happy reading and i'll catch up soon.
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