Born just four minutes late for reasons that cannot be explained, I was
left with Athetoid Cerebral Palsy, the future was kind of an experiment for my
mum and dad as no one had any answers as to what effects the lack of oxygen to
my brain within that four minutes had. I was diagnosed at eighteen months when
my walking failed to develop and I went to a lovely little nursery school at
two and a half years of age. Ellery Park School was full of happy memories, the
school predominantly focused on physiotherapy as well as teaching the basics of
the curriculum to suit the needs of all the disabled children. There, everybody
was the same, it was all about what colour wheelchair you had or what pattern
you had on your plastic foot splints, the time here was filled with happiness
and love and my friends for life were made even though our lives would take
very different directions.
My mum and dad split when I was five years old, was this
because of the pressures of having a disabled child? I will never know! They
both loved me unconditionally and had different roles in my upbringing, both equally
as important. My mum was always a hundred miles an hour with a different
activity planned each night as well as having tea ready as soon as we were home
from school and homework round the tea table, I didn’t really have time to
think about my disability but looking back, the activities were all planned appropriately
from dancing to Sunday school, I loved them all. I was always Daddy’s little
princess, we spent lots of time together especially on a Sunday, which was his
only day off work, when we would spend hours in the swimming baths until my
fingers looked like prunes and breakfast in Sainsbury’s café was a real treat
but really it was because he couldn’t cook!
High School proved to be more difficult, my parents decided
that the academic route would be more beneficial for me to lead a normal life
as an adult. This is when I had a reality check about my disability going from
a small class of eight to a class of thirty was a real eye opener and having a
support worker by my side for the first time I obviously stood out from the
rest. Still wearing my splints to keep my feet straight just wasn’t cool no
matter what colour they were, however I loved discovering new things from real
lessons such as English and Maths and being praised for academic things rather
than how I held something felt really good. I made a small selection of friends
who stuck by me throughout my school life however I was never going to be the
cool kid but I guess I got by and ended up coming out with nine GCSE’s all A to
C.
Approaching sixteen I started to become more interested in
girly things and again this made me feel very different, trying on high heels,
I remember I was like Bambi on Ice and knowing this would never change was hard
to swallow.
After school we decided as a family that I would move to an
independent living collage three hours away from home, this seemed to be the
opposite of High School. This collage was for disabled adults and through High
School I had ditched the splints for the latest shoes and made my wheelchair as
plain as possible, not to stand out, however back in the disabled environment,
once again I didn’t fit in for being too “normal”. I lasted one academic year
and then decided that this type of environment was not for me and I felt
trapped and confused. I didn’t know what world I should be living in, should I
be a disabled person conforming to the disabled views and looks all because of
four minutes, or should I be myself and be as close to the person I would have
been if I had been born four minutes earlier? I was heavily impacted by the
love and bonds through primary school however I had the knowledge of those
independent people from high school, so I decided to be a normal person who
just happened to have Cerebral Palsy.
The next seven years was spent in a bungalow rented from a
local housing association, some could say once again I was forced to conform to
the disabled world but I felt in order to conform to the mainstream I had to
adapt my life and face that I did have a disability! I made the bungalow my
own. The first eighteen months were spent with a boyfriend that I had met when
I left school, but that is a whole different blog. After I had gained the
courage to kick him out I spent the next five years living my life, moulding
myself into who I am today, I attended university in Liverpool and got myself
there every day via two busses which was hard as I suffered with anxiety due to
my relationship, however having some close friends from home I partied hard,
very hard, and loved life. A year into my freedom I met Dave online, we
instantly hit it off, but for me it was all too soon for a heavy relationship
and I guess I played hard to get, keeping him in the friends zone so I could
carry on enjoying myself. For the first time in my life I was in control of me
and I feel in these years I found my personal identity.
With Dave being in the friend zone for nearly a year, we
decided to make things official and put the label on it. I was now in a
relationship again but it didn’t feel like a brand new loved up thing as we
already knew each other really well. He had seen my worst bits and knew what my
disability entails, there was no awkwardness like having to tell him I couldn’t
feed myself or helping me fasten my bra, it just felt right, natural and still
feeling in control of my life, I knew that I was ready for this long term.
Upon leaving University, my disability once again became
apparent, I was unlucky to finish my degree in our worst recession, finding a
job was almost impossible and having a disability made me paranoid but instead
of conforming and trying to fit the mainstream mould as I had always done, I
decided to use my passion and disability knowledge to create my own business. I
now educate and train organisations on how to accommodate and treat a disabled
person, encouraging employers not to overlook a disabled applicant and
generally trying to big up how great disabled people are. With maturing in age,
having a strong relationship with Dave, who is now my husband and gaining
experience through my business, once again I feel like my identity is now
complete.
For the majority of my life so far, I have always felt it
was really important to conform to the mainstream and live a normal life, not
letting my disability define me or get in the way. With the events that have
shaped my life I have realised that I am not disabled, I am not normal, I am
Emma Sellman, I am unique, I am good at and love my job, I am the happiest I
have ever been in my life and I am comfortable with who I am and what I am. I
own high heels even though I still don’t wear them, the enjoyment of buying
them is enough for me. My confidence earns me more respect now, both
professionally and personally because I show that I am not trying to be
something I am not. I now get lovely messages off people I used to go to school
with who would never talk to me then saying how much I inspire them to achieve
their goals.
The four minutes clearly changed my life, at various time I
would have said they changed it for the worse, however looking at what I am
achieving and the opportunities I am creating for myself and for others, those
four minutes have major positives, which I will share with the followers of
this blog.
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